Billy Bragg

•February 12, 2010 • Leave a Comment

“You can’t defeat the Axis of evil by putting smart bombs in the hands of dumb people.”

Ladies and Gentlemen….Kittens around the world, I offer you one Mr Billy Bragg. A genius who walks among us.

Now here is Mr Billy Bragg telling people at Speakers Corner in England recently why he has decided not to pay his taxes. You really need to watch it and listen to why he has decided not to pay taxes. Many of you may agree. Many of you will disagree, but either way you cannot deny this man can sure make a point and belt out a good tune at the same time.

…..tap…..tap….tap….tap….for those of us waiting for you to finish watching it, a brief intermission.

Now that you’ve watched the footage, Billy as usual made a great set of points.

Sadly though like many people, he missed the all important bonus round.

It’s like this Kittens.

Billy and most average Billies are pissed off that the banks and insurance companies who were roasted by massive losses and needed bailing out are still paying their top people bonuses.

Not only that, they are paying them big fucking bonuses. More than most of us will see in one lifetime, these people are getting on one pay cheque.

Most of us don’t like this very much because it pisses us off that our money bailed their asses out of the fire, but here is the thing.

They earned it.

Banks are in business to make money and they need their top earners more than ever. That’s how it works. They have a debt to pay back and the best people are earning the money to pay it back.

The banks and insurance companies are paying it back as quickly as possible so they can go back to doing what they do best. Fucking the rest of us over.

It isn’t the fault of the top earners that their bank screwed the pooch, and surely they would find another job in a heartbeat somewhere else but they stuck by their employers, made as much of our money as possible for them so they could repay their debt to the governments.

They worked their asses off and if it was you that exceed to such a high degree, you would want your money as well.

Sorry Kittens, that is just one of those sad facts of life that you may as well get used to right now.

BUT

Now that the banks and insurance companies are paying their government loans back so very quickly you may want to ask yourself a bigger question. One that Billy missed slightly.

Why be pissed off at the banks and insurance companies that you use, you pay money into, you accept their increasingly shitty deals and who arbitrarily have more control over your lives than any government ever will aside from one under marshall law?

You people…..you people took their loans.

You took their loans for houses and trinkets and televisions and Disney wallpaper and vacations and rub and tugs and singing dildos and every other consumer abomination you couldn’t afford and like any good businesses they took your money.

You ran up credit cards you couldn’t afford, didn’t bitch and boycott your sellers when they raised service fees, or bought fewer cars to insure on credit from a bank…you couldn’t even live without that pair of fucking sneakers with somebody elses name scrawled all over them. You wanted it all, they delivered for as long as they could and now you think it is their fault that they supplied the crack for your habit.

It is like watching a junkie complain about the high crime rate.

Not that they are without guilt.

They took a risk on you people and like anyone who risks the bank on greedy consumer human mammals….they lost their Saville Row shirts.

Not that watching any of it happen was a bad thing from your humble authors perspective.

Frankly I think it is funny when you people lose your homes and those companies go tits up. I love it when the government has to step in and bail out entire industries and pretend that they are doing it for the people, when all they are doing is loaning their owners some money, kind of like paying forward to their pimps.

It’s like voting.

I don’t vote and thus do not contribute to the problems of society. I am not invested in the out come at all because mostly I do not see any margin for improvement and also it is a exercise in mass propaganda and hypnosis.

People like to say that people who do not vote can’t complain but that is flawed logic.

People that vote put into the very people into power that screw you over and fuck it up.

As a man who has been of voting age for many years I can safely and historically point out that life has not gotten any better as a voter or not.

The word isn’t safer, life isn’t cheaper, more poor people aren’t being fed, fewer wars aren’t breaking out and the table isn’t any less rigged. Since I have of voting age there world has not gotten any better because of anybody who has been elected anywhere.

The Soviet Union and East Germany didn’t fall because of any politician, it was because of the people.

Barack Obama was voted into power as the man who most people who voted for him believed would change their lives for the better and guess what? It hasn’t happened. Not because he isn’t a good qualified man, but because people aren’t doing anything for themselves. A point he himself made.

It’s all bullshit because the people who own the world are not interested in you having a better life and it has been that way forever.

Consider that in a truly enlightened democratic society free health care and a university education would be to the benefit of our society.

We would produce healthy smart voters paid for by our tax dollars and it would benefit society as a whole, but our governments and corporations do not want that.

They want people who are rich enough to pay for education and sick enough to be kind enough to die off fairly early so we do not have to pay for pensions. An educated healthy person who can live to be 123 and collect a pension costs money. Lot’s of it. Their money that they take from the voters and workers.

A person who is smart enough to to punch a clock and complete a few tasks yet dumb enough to be lead into a mega mall because it says “big fat fucking sale” and consume as much goods and fast food will die sooner and deeply in debt. Debt that the banks pass onto their kids, and an early death their government doesn’t have to cut a pension cheques for several extra years.

Think of it like the pro-life movement in America.

Lots of people who do not like what free women do with their bodies so they try to tell them what to do with them. There isn’t many rich white women offering to have poor black babies stuffed into them so they can carry them to term.

Nope. They care about them until they are born and then happily let the state raise them so live poor black babies can grow up to be poor dead black workers and soldiers.

That is always when the sanctity of life doesn’t mean much.

It is sanctity when they are making sure they come into the world, but not very much when they are doing anything about the babies who actually have to live in it like a university education or proper health care paid for by their fellow man and not into a system that decides who gets what based on profit.

If you can manage to get deeply into debt to pay for your education and then transfer that knowledge to a company who effectively owns you so that you can pay your debts until you die then you are a prime asset.

Add on top of that a mortgage you can’t afford, credit card debt because you had to fill your life with stuff from the mega mall and even more stuff for the house you can’t afford to put in the house your kids will end up paying for after you die early from a heart attack due to stress, a bad diet and never getting out of your car except to golf and then eat at a theme restaurant.

Billy is right to be nice and pissed off at the raw deal he and his fellow man is getting and anyone should applaud a person who takes a stand.

I’m all for him not paying taxes but not because he doesn’t agree with bankers who achieved success for their employers receiving massive bonus for their diligent work in screwing society over.

He says he no longer feels represented and in solidarity with the people who represent him. That is why he shouldn’t pay his taxes, because his best interests as a tax payer are not being full filled by his government and never will.

It also would have been worth pointing out that the banks who are making the bonus are making those bonuses because the people who use them, are continuing to accept the control the banks have over their lives and maybe instead of worrying about bonuses and not paying taxes, their government should step in and curb the control the banks have over their customers.

This of course will never happen because banks have customers, who choose to use them and are not actually forced to use them unlike paying taxes to the government. It will also never happen because the biggest customers the banks have….is your government.

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And Now The Bad News….

•February 10, 2010 • Leave a Comment

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And now my Kittens…..the bad news….

Aliens are likely to look and behave like us
Alien life, if it exists at all, is likely to be just like us, a leading scientist has claimed.
Professor Simon Conway Morris at Cambridge University will tell a conference on alien life that extraterrestrials will most likely have evolved just like “earthlings” and so resemble us to a degree with heads, limbs and bodies.

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This obviously isn’t going to be a high point when the visitors make first contact my Kittens.

Unfortunately they will have also evolved our foibles and faults which could make them dangerous if they ever did visit us on Earth.

The evolutionary paleobiologist’s beliefs mean that science fiction films such as Star Wars and Star Trek could be more accurate than they ever imagined in depicting alien life.

Wow! Did you hear that Kittens! Science dorks like Star Trek!!

Prof Conway Morris believes that extraterrestrial life is most likely to occur on a planet similar to our own, with organisms made from the same biochemicals. The process of evolution will even shape alien life in a similar way, he added.

“It is difficult to imagine evolution in alien planets operating in any manner other than Darwinian,” he said.

“In the end the number of options is remarkably restrictive. I don’t think an alien will be a blob. If aliens are out there they should have evolved just like us. They should have eyes and be walking on two legs.

“In short if there is any life out there then it is likely to be very similar to us.”

Oh goodie!! Let’s hope that they act just like us with lot’s of waste, consumerism, war, racial hatred, prejudice, anger, genital mutilation and poverty.

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They could come in peace but also be searching for somewhere to live, and to help themselves to water, minerals and fuel he is due to tell a conference at the Royal Society, in London.

However he also thinks that because much of the Universe is older than us they would have evolved further down the line and we should have heard from them by now.

That isn’t exactly much of an achievement for a superior race. We’re not very impressive. In fact, if there was a god like some people believe then it is fairly safe to say that he aimed very low and settled for very little.

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He believes it is increasingly looking like they may not be out there at all.

“It is about time they turned up,” he said. “It is very, very quiet out there. Suspiciously quiet. Where on Earth are they? I personally don’t think that there is anything out there.”

Either that or they just aren’t interested. Is that possible? Why leave a universe of wonders to visit this shit hole. At best it is the solar systems worst trailer park and at worst it is a penal colony for all of the DNA alieans from beyond didn’t want anymore. It would explain much of our repugnant behaviour.

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His lecture is part of a two-day conference at which experts will discuss how we might detect life on distant planets and what that could mean for society.

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Professor Paul Davies, a British physicist at Arizona State University, will reiterate his belief that life exists right under our noses – here on Earth.

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He believes that the life forms, most likely microscopic, could exist in remote and hostile environments where it was previously thought no creature could survive.

The suburbs.

They are so different to life as we know it that scientists would have overlooked them in the past.

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At the heart of his theory is that life on Earth may have come and gone many times during the planet’s existence.

These creatures would be the remnants of the previous inhabitants.

Not all are convinced by the “shadow life” concept. Professor Colin Pillinger, who led the Beagle 2 Mars landing mission, said: “I prefer to deal in scientific fact — this is wildly science fiction. You’d be off your trolley to go searching for arsenic-based life.”

Ummm….Has Nasa actually accomplished anything lately? Richard Branson is sending people to space and Nasa isn’t allowed to play with rockets anymore.

Professor Pillinger, who is also due to speak at the Royal Society, argues that Mars remains the best bet for finding alien organisms.

The conference will also address the social implications of the search for alien life.

I know of at least one group of people that won’t be too thrilled when we find alien life. They aren’t big fans of science (I don’t mean Greenpeace this time)and alien life might just poke a few holes in their explaination for where human life came from.

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Professor Albert Harrison, from the University of California, will discuss how human beings might respond to the discovery of extraterrestrial intelligence.

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As usual, I suspect fairly poorly.

“It is easy to imagine scenarios resulting in widespread psychological disintegration and social chaos,” he said.

Is he kidding? He’s talking about a society that loses their fucking minds when an outline of Jesus appears on a pile of dog shit.

We kill each other for fun and sport, embrace cruelty of unimaginable proportions, commit genocide every decade or so and can’t even figure out how to effectively get some help to Haiti unless we are trying to conquer them.

People here lose their shit if they see a cartoon they don’t like that shows a picture of a god that they can’t even look at anyways.

Mankind would do what mankind does. We’d fuck it up.

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“But historical prototypes, reactions to false alarms and survey results suggest that the predominant response to the discovery of a microwave transmission from light years away is likely to be equanimity, perhaps even delight.”

Uh huh…

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Rocket Man

•February 10, 2010 • Leave a Comment

For Kelly~

Kittens before you begin reading this delightful tale, you really must watch that YouTube footage to truly grasp the moral of this story.

When I was a wee man I watched that footage with my father on the family couch after one of Mums delightful dinners of some kind of horrifying grey British food.

Dad and I watched the opening of the footage about the daredevil Kenny Powers and how he planned to jump a car 1 mile across the St Lawrence river. “This could be interesting” we said.

Then we saw the car.

It seemed the hero of the story Ken Carter went out and bought a Lincoln Continental. He welded a roll cage inside of it and painted it yellow. Oh….and he also stuffed a rocket into it, built two small wings out of what appears to be a snow shovel lit the wick at took off at over 280 mph.

You can imagine what happened my Kittens.

Ken didn’t quite make it. He chicken out and a man named Kenny Powers jumped in and gave it a try.

Carter was born in Montreal and grew up in a working class neighbourhood. With little education, he dropped out of school to perform car stunts with a team of traveling daredevils. Soon he was a solo act, jumping at racetracks all over North America. He became a notorious showman, earning the nickname “The Mad Canadian” for his death-defying antics.

In 1976, after 20 years of car jumps, Carter launched his most ambitious project: an attempt to jump over the Saint Lawrence Seaway — a distance of over one mile — in a rocket-powered Lincoln Continental. The preparations for the jump were the subject of a documentary called The Devil at Your Heels, directed by Robert Fortier and produced by the National Film Board of Canada.

For months, Carter prepared his car and looked for sponsors, with his persistence in self-promotion paying off when U.S. broadcaster ABC gave him $250,000 to air the stunt on the episode of Wide World of Sports scheduled for September 25, 1976. Carter anticipated a live audience of 100,000. Construction of a 1,400-foot takeoff ramp began on fifty acres of farmland near Morrisburg, Ontario. Evel Knievel visited the site as a special correspondent for ABC and concluded that there was little chance of success. Delays in finishing the car and completing the ramp caused Carter to miss the broadcast date and ABC withdrew its support.

Carter resumed preparations the following year and again in 1978, but the jump was cancelled both times. On September 26, 1979, Carter got to within five seconds of takeoff before aborting the jump following a mechanical failure. The planned jump had been sponsored by a film producer in exchange for exclusive film rights. Believing that Carter had lost his nerve, the film crew secretly arranged for another stunt driver, American Kenny Powers, to perform the jump while Carter was in his hotel room in Ottawa. The Powers jump was a failure.

If fact, not only did he not fly for one mile in a rocket powered luxury car that is as aerodynamic as a cargo container (and roughly as heavy) he didn’t make it very far at all when basic physics caught up with him and the car was torn apart.

Kenny splashed into the river and rescue boats came after him, as if they expected some other outcome from Kens jump. The said he was “lucky” and had broken his back during the jump, something which Ken had done 6 times prior to the jump. Kenny wasn’t a fast learner.

At no time during the footage did they mention where Kenny planned on landing either and just that it was an island. They just said that he was going to send a rocket powered bulldozer hurling across the river for 1 mile that had no possible way to navigate itself and reach the other side.

There was no landing ramp and one assumes that since it was a rural area Ken thought he would just gently land…somewhere. Possibly crashing at 280 mph into a farmers flock of sheep igniting them into fireballs running around and setting his barn on fire kind of the like great fire of London.

Kenny probably figured after safely crashing into a field at over 200 mph he would simply exit the car now crumpled and burning a jet fuel fire at over 1000 degrees, lift himself out of the crater he created he would pick the gopher meat out of his teeth, take a bow and sign some autographs.

You may have noticed that besides the spectators there were lots of ambulances and speedboats ready “in case of a disaster.”

When Kenny was rescued he asked “Did I make it?”

By now Kittens I’m sure you all have the same look of disbelief on your faces that my Dad and I did the second we saw what Kenny was planning to do and with what vehicle he wanted to do it with and why it just wasn’t going to work out very well.

If, as the narrator informs us, the car achieves a takeoff speed of 280 mph, then using the equations of projectile motion, we can easily calculate that without air resistance (estimating a launch angle of about 30 degrees) the maximum distance the car could achieve is around 1500 meters, or just short of a mile. (I’ll leave it to those of you with a little physics background to confirm this is true.) However, at speeds of this magnitude, air resistance will have a major effect on the flight of the car. The force of air resistance is proportional to the square of the velocity, so if you double the speed you quadruple the air resistance. Incorporating the effect of air drag into the calculations we find that Kenny won’t even make it a quarter of a mile before falling ignominiously into the river.

Therefore we assume (even though we can’t see any fuel being ejected out of the car’s modified rocket engines after the initial thrust) that the rockets must be supposed to continue firing throughout much of the jump (flight). But even so, when speaking of air resistance, we are inevitably confronted with what appears to be the most problematical issue with this stunt: aerodynamic stability.

Most model rocket enthusiasts know that for a rocket to be stable in flight, its center of gravity (the point on the rocket where gravitational forces balance) must be in front of the rocket’s center of pressure (the point on the rocket where the aerodynamic forces, such as lift and drag, balance). If the rocket starts to veer off of its line of motion, as long as the CP (center of pressure) is behind the CG (center of gravity), the aerodynamic forces will apply a restoring torque, pushing the rocket back into its line of motion. However, if the CP is in front, the torque acts to destabilize the rocket, causing it to tumble. Fins on the tail of a rocket provide for a CP towards the back.

In the case of our not-very-aerodynamic-looking Continental, notice how the car is forced nose-up almost the instant it leaves the ramp. We strongly suspect the CP is too far forward! There seems to have been no attempt, aside from some rather minimal-looking fins placed near the center of the car, to account for this important effect.

In a much more well-known unsuccessful jump, the late Evel Knievel’s crew seemed to recognize this potential problem. For his attempt to jump the Snake River Canyon, the vehicle they designed was in fact a classic streamlined rocket, complete with narrow body and substantial fins placed at the rear. Rumor has it Knievel might have made it if his parachute hadn’t deployed too early. Nevertheless, just to drive home the point, we are not talking about jumping over stuff here. We are talking about flying.

Nobody sat down and explained any of this to Kenny, or the people who invested a million bucks.

So Kittens now that we know all of that dorky Mythbusters science junk about why Kenny didn’t make it, let’s ask ourselves something.

Did we need to know it?

Wasn’t it slightly evident from the very beginning that Kenny was going to have a bad hair day?

Did Kenny ever have that moment of regret when the car exploded and something besides his ass went through his head?

Kenny Powers isn’t alive anymore and died in 2009 so we can’t ask him, and Ken Carter (the guy who chicken out) died in attempting to jump a pond in Peterborough, Ontario. During the jump his car, a modified Pontiac Firebird had a malfunction and Carter crashed badly but vowed to try the jump again. Several months later he did. The vehicle overshot its landing ramp by 30 meters and landed on its roof. Carter was instantly killed. He is predictably buried in a unmarked grave at the Notre-Dame-des-Neiges Cemetery in Montreal.

Is there a moral to this story Kittens?

Possibly.

It isn’t that no matter how much you may want too, you cannot jump a rocket powered brick across a large stretch of distance.

The moral of this story is that I have recently had to add a brand new file to “My Favorites” on my computer. It is called “Stupid Humans” and is already bursting with stories from around the world of people who on the surface might act and seem like they may be reasonable people who can pay their bills, keep food in the fridge and occasionally not wander into a moving train, but then they go on to exceed human stupidity on an epic level.

I hope you enjoy their stories the morals to them.

Unwelcome Mat

•February 4, 2010 • 1 Comment

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Kittens, it’s like this…..

Like some of you, I live in a big stinky over crowded, ill conceived, greedy, loud, expensive, self absorbed, busy, cranky, opinionated, graffiti coated, hobo infested city.

It is filled with snotty arrogant bastards, pricks, bitches, finks, hooligans, thugs, grifters, neophytes, bankers, advertising executives, sycophants, people who own tiny rat-dogs and the cast of Jersey Boys.

We wake up in a bad mood and it only gets worse as the day grows longer.

We walk fast, talk faster and have no time for your bullshit. We happily step over a bum on the street, push, shove, swear, smack and if you get in our way, we’ll tell you to move your tourist ass or we’ll tear it off, set you on fire and then beat the flames out with it.

Our motto is a hearty and warm “Hey! Go Fuck Yourself!”

Frankly, we do not like you, care about you or even like each other very much. That’s why they call us cold and mean. Because we are.

I live in Toronto and I am proud of all of these things.

These things are also why the rest of our back woods slack jawed back bacon inhaling super sized car driving pack of ridiculous third string hockey team hosers hates us so much.

Last night the Missus and I were watching a documentary called “Let’s All Hate Toronto.”

It’s a decent romp about how the rest of the country hates us so much. They say we want to be New York and think we’re all a bunch of cold angry hostile rat-race loving assholes.

This is all fairly true. The rest of this country does hate us. People tend to hate big cities when they do not live in them.

Most of Britain hates London for example despite mostly never having even been there and the same is true for Canadians and Toronto.

Most people who hate us haven’t even dropped by for a nice cup of go fuck yourself.

The people that have come for a visit however are very different from the people who visit everywhere else in Canada. People who come to Toronto to visit want to stay and move here. People from Toronto who visit the rest of the cities in Canada usually want to leave as quickly as possible. Generally with good reason.

We are always treated like shit. Our country never has anything nice to say about us and if you mention that you are from Toronto while ordering food in Montreal, chances are your pizza will be served to you with a large portion of attitude……and sperm. You know…as a way of saying thank you for your patronage.

There are songs singing about how we suck and telling us how much our country hates us, columns in major newspapers written by angry non-Torontonians who call themselves journalists, media campaigns by nationally owned radio stations and the list goes on and on.

Our country hates us.

Usually we don’t respond because we are too busy doing other things like working, racing rats, being pissed off and generally not caring what those people think anyways.

For us to give a shit about all of the hate that is directed our way from the rest of our country is a fairly large waste of our valuable time.

It would be like listening to life coaching advice from an over weight, unemployed, under educated, desperately single, cronically depressed drooling primate casual acquaintance who we don’t even like but feel a tad sorry for when they tell us all of the things we are doing wrong and they have the answers regarding self improvement. We listen t their petulant monosyllabic howls and cries directed at us in the customary dialect of their regional grunts and clicks to amuse them and make them feel like they are not complete social outcasts. We pat them on their heads, nod politely and send them on their way like you would do with a bratty snarling fat kid named ‘Special Jerry” who has tapioca pudding on their dickie and has been left behind in school for three years strait.

We pay most of the taxes in our country and receive the least amount of them back for our troubles, hard work and accomplishments.

The public hates us, our governments hates us, the media hates us and their are films about how everyone hates us.

They say horrible things about how rude we are and yet we never bother to return the anger directed at us.

Until now.

Ahem……

Fuck you people.

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While the rest of you people are busy erecting billboards, writing columns in major media outlets, talking uneducated angry smack and driving your cars from power mall to mega mall to mini mall to mini mart to muffler shop to drive thru back to large sprawling facade of a suburban life like experience locked away with hi definition televisions and low definition people watching them, we’re too busy to care what you think.

Spread your cheap laughable anger about our city to the rest of you people who have the time to listen. We do not have the time to listen or care. We have shit to do.

Since we aren’t blindly driving around looking for distractions, amusements and a larger more super sized buckets of bacon fat fried waffle burger battered three processed cheese sugar cones at the local big box mall, we’re doing things that living here in this big city are available to us.

We go to museums and art galleries. We also create art. We take in live performances. We even perform many of them. When we are not busy making and starring in movies on occasion we have time to actually watch one, possibly at our world renowned film festival.

Many people here also like sports. Thankfully we have a major league team in every discipline except for American football, which we do not care for because beating America in The World Series humiliated them quite enough and we made our point. Twice.

You people in other parts of Canada would know this because you do not have these things. Not because you do not want them, but because the teams and players are too busy playing in real cities making real money and not just the kind that you can spend at Canadian Tire.

Yes we have money as well. Lots of it. We need it because it is expensive as hell to live here. So expensive in fact that if my family were to sell our tiny cramped condo and move to your town we could buy most of it including the park, the police force, fire department, local churches and many of the residents.

Thankfully we are not afraid to work our asses off for our money to be able to afford to live here. It is called accomplishment, pride and wanting a better life for yourself and your family. It comes with sacrifice and will power and sure doesn’t leave you much time to piss away watching the movies we make or for the literate few of you, reading the books we write or even listening to the music we make, but we find the time.

Luckily for us when we go to work, we can either walk and get exercise or take transit. This concept is foreign to many of you as well because it does not involve sitting on your asses in a massive vehicle the size of our condo driving everywhere and polluting the planet whilst tossing Tim Hortons cups out of your windows that have a DVD screen so that you can entertain your children enough so they are never forced to look out of a window or talk to you.

That exercise we get comes in handy with our children because unlike other cities who hate us we have special alternative schools. We get to walk our kids to their school, rather than drive or just ship them off away on a bus.

Schools designed to harbour social justice and creativity or even in the case of our family, help us with a special needs child who would never have any hope of accessing the resources needed to help give him a better quality of life. This is not because you people do not have special needs children as well, or would benefit from alternative education. You receive more of our taxes than we do, but you are all too busy watching Everybody Loves Raymond and telling each other how much you hate Toronto. Thankfully here in our city, the one that you hate and call so very cold and uncaring, we care enough to think of these things and look after our children and give them every advantage possible.

Luckily unlike most of the people who hate our city one of the advantages we pass down to our kids and get to enjoy ourselves is one of tolerance.

Unlike most other cities who say that they hate us, we don’t tolerate intolerance.

Homophobia and racism won’t get you very far here. In fact, racist homophobics will not only be laughed at and rightfully ridiculed for their out dated narrow minded hate filled discrimination, chances are somebody would slap the shit out of you for them. Probably by a one legged black dyke in a wheelchair shopping for hardware in a Mom and Pop store because she is tougher than stronger than most of the people who would discriminate against her. Mostly because she grew up where you live and left as soon as her wheelchair could get her here quicker than you can say lesbian potato sack race.

Thankfully we also have an entire transit system specifically for the physically challenged that will allow her to move around like the rest of us as well, unlike most of your town who think people with disabilities should be resigned to fund raising campaigns and left to be models on pamphlets for fun runs like museum pieces or corporate logos.

People say we are too dirty, too clean. that we aren’t like them because they have small town values, as if that should be a virtue.

Every big city and not just Toronto is a village populated with villages.

We have little Italy, little Portugal, the artist communities, a few world class University campuses, Greek town, the gay ghetto, little India, little Korea, Chinatown (a few of them actually), a thriving Pakistani community and very many Jews who choose to live together…or apart. You know…they are cool that way.

We have all moved here from somewhere else and brought our community values with us, and them expanded them to include everyone.

We know our butchers by name.

My shoe cobbler is named Rudy.

I walk to work.

We go to Phils for smoked BBQ pulled pork. Phil knows his shit.

We are pockets of small communities that look after each other, living together as one large community in relative harmony.

Harmony is important because people say we are filled with crime. Yup, we have crime. So do you. More of it than us per person based on population density.
Toronto (and most other big cities) are like living as our family does on an nutritious organic diet.

It costs a hell of a lot to eat a nutritious organic diet, but it is worth it.

We don’t eat fast food, but if we do want to eat out we can walk outside of our home and literally choose between 20 places to eat in one city block.

Sushi, pizza, gourmet burgers, pub grub, Thai, Mexican, BBQ, Korean, steaks, sandwiches and a place that charges $25 for a small bowl of fucking celery soup.

We pay more for everything because it is worth it. That is how life is. Better stuff costs more. Just like lunch, just like a car, just like the city you live in. As they say in real estate, location, location, location. Ours costs more because it is better. Yours costs less because it blows and because it has you as a neighbor.

Living on an organic diet means like living in our city that you hate means we buy less of everything, but what we buy is far better.

We eat less but it is better and healthier. That means we do not over eat and we make everything from scratch at home. Everything.

Our homes are expensive, but we also do not drive cars so massive flailing insurance companies do not get one dollar from us.

We also do not have to buy gasoline and thus support oil companies and war efforts. If Toyota recalls a car we don’t care because we do not own one and therefor didn’t pollute the planet having it shipped here on a massive oil burning cargo vessel or drive around farting out carbon emissions all day long either.

The money we spend on homes we save that isn’t amortized over a lifetime on vehicle ownership and it is better for the earth.

Eating organic also means you have to wash everything like you are preparing it for surgery.

Our city is dirty at times because it is big and there are plenty of us, but it is always messy when people from outside of the city come here for a parade and litter. Thankfully we always have lots of parades because we always have things to celebrate unlike many of the cities that hate us who do not have things like gay pride parades because they do not have many things to be proud of.

People that live here do not make a mess because we live here. People that do not live here make a mess because they are rude visitors that consume as much as possible and leave it on the sidewalks for us to clean up.

Our family lives here in this massively flawed diabolically crowded and expensive city by choice. Choice.

We work harder than most people ever will and even explaining our daily routine to an outsider is usually met with a baffled look and open mouth.

There are 4 of us. Two small magnificent wonderful incredible sons, the love of my life and most beautiful woman I have ever seen good lady Missus and myself. Your not-so-humble arrogant cranky hostile cynical skeptical hooligan author.

We do not care what you think. We are too busy because we live in this city.

There are 3 rules in life that we live by. Life should be beautiful, inspired and interesting.

I’m an atheist so the concept of celestial heaven doesn’t have much pull with me. I prefer to think of it as those transcendent moments of perfection that you would never want to change where you are happiest and most content.

Living here in this city with my wonderful family every day with all of the things we get to enjoy and living life to be beautiful inspired and interesting every day is my personal heaven.

For those of you who do not have these things and choose to hate us, please continue. Just please do not come by for a visit, we aren’t interested in what you think and neither is anybody else. Go bang your tambourine and rattle your cup elsewhere.

The Unwelcome mat is at our door.

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Bums and Ammo

•January 29, 2010 • Leave a Comment

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Good news Kittens!!

Americas first black president is sort of kinda considering letting some people possibly have a few of the same rights he gets to have!! Maybe. We think. Look impressed dammit!

Obama urges repeal of ban on gays serving openly in US military; critics deride steps

WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama is urging Congress to repeal the ban on gays and lesbians serving openly in the U.S. military, but Democratic allies and Republican opponents alike are criticizing his approach.

Obama’s effort to eliminate the “don’t ask, don’t tell” practice faces resistance not just from Congress, but also from the Pentagon, where some top officials have been strident in their support for the 1990s-era policy.

Still, the Pentagon said Thursday it will work to carry out the president’s wishes. Top military leaders are working on a plan for how repeal of the law would be implemented in the Defence Department, said Navy Capt. John Kirby, spokesman for Adm. Mike Mullen. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

“The chairman and the (service) chiefs understand perfectly the president’s intent, and they look forward to being able to provide their best military advice about the implementation of repeal,” Kirby said of Obama’s statement.

Mullen and Defence Secretary Robert Gates were expected to address the topic in congressional budget hearings next week.

The number of dismissals dropped sharply after the 2001 terrorist attacks as forces were heavily deployed around the world, with half as many troops fired in 2008 as in 2001. Between 1997 and 2008, the Defence Department fired more than 10,500 service members for violating the policy.

“This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are,” Obama said Wednesday during his State of the Union address. “It’s the right thing to do.”

The statement drew a standing ovation from Congress and from Defence Secretary Robert Gates, but it fell short for gay activists.

Obama should have announced a suspension of dismissals, said Rea Carey, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

“The time for broad statements is over. The time to get down to business is overdue. We wish we had heard him speak of concrete steps tonight,” Carey said.

Richard Socarides, a Clinton adviser who has been a vocal critic of how Obama has handled gay constituents, called Obama’s handling of the issue so far “an almost complete disaster.”

“In 1999, Bill Clinton became the first president ever to talk about gay rights in a State of the Union address. Eleven years later, not much has changed,” Socarides said. Talking again about ending the policy “without a moratorium on the witch hunts and expulsions and without even a plan for future action just won’t cut it,” he said.

Obama’s relationship with the gay community has been rocky since his election. Gays and lesbians objected to the invitation of evangelist Rev. Rick Warren to participate in Obama’s inauguration because of Warren’s support for repealing gay marriage in California.

As president, Obama has not taken any concrete steps urging the repeal of the policy that allows gays and lesbians to serve in the military as long as they don’t disclose their sexual orientation or act on it. Some former chairmen of the Joint Chiefs of Staff have acknowledged the policy is flawed, and Mullen signed off on a journal article that called for lifting the ban.

Yet a group that Mullen formed to advise him on the issue has urged a delay that could go into the middle of the next presidential election year, which is 2012.

“Now is not the time,” the in-house advisers for Mullen wrote recently in a memorandum. “The importance of winning the wars we are in, along with the stress on the force, our body of knowledge and the number of unknowns, demand that we act with deliberation.”

Asked Thursday whether the Army is ready for such a change, Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey did not directly answer the question.

“What you heard last night was the beginning of a process,” Casey said during an appearance at a Washington think-tank .

Ummm….great?

One supposes it is lovely for Americans and the American president to allow gay people the right to one day be able to have the same rights as everybody else. The question that does however come to mind is if gay people one day be allowed the same rights as everybody else to serve in the military, then when do they get to have equal rights across the board? And why do people not want these folks to have the same rights anyways?

A fully erect hot civil right dangling in somebodies face does not make them gay if the cup it and stroke it into law by supporting it.

You see my Kittens, it’s like this.

The day Barack Obama was elected and became the first black American president (this was a good thing) gays in California who previously were by law allowed their civil right to be married, had it taken away by the voters (this was a bad thing).

In short, California remancipated the slaves.

If that seems like a harsh analogy, then let’s remember something not so deep into the history books that happened in Canada and America during World War II when Japanese Canadian and American citizens were placed and held in internment camps.

Japanese American internment was the forcible relocation and internment by the United States government in 1942 of approximately 120,000 Japanese Americans and Japanese residing in the United States to camps called “War Relocation Camps,” in the wake of Imperial Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor.The internment of Japanese Americans was applied unequally throughout the United States. Japanese Americans residing on the West Coast of the United States were all interned, whereas in Hawaii, where more than 150,000 Japanese Americans composed nearly a third of that territory’s population, only 1,200 to 1,800 Japanese Americans were interned. Of those interned, 62% were United States citizens.

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt authorized the internment with Executive Order 9066 on February 19, 1942, which allowed local military commanders to designate “military areas” as “exclusion zones,” from which “any or all persons may be excluded.” This power was used to declare that all people of Japanese ancestry were excluded from the entire Pacific coast, including all of California and most of Oregon and Washington, except for those in internment camps. In 1944, the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of the exclusion orders, while noting that the provisions that singled out people of Japanese ancestry were a separate issue outside the scope of the proceedings.

In 1988, Congress passed and President Ronald Reagan signed legislation which apologized for the internment on behalf of the U.S. government. The legislation stated that government actions were based on “race prejudice, war hysteria, and a failure of political leadership”. Over $1.6 billion in reparations were later disbursed by the U.S. government to Japanese Americans who had either suffered internment or were heirs of those who had suffered internment.

Don’t think for a second right after 9/11 this idea wasn’t strongly reconsidered either Kittens. It almost happened again and many people would have been perfectly at ease with it. That is, until they had to drive their own taxis or open their own 7-Eleven.

By repealling gay marrige civil rights that used to be thought of as both civil and rights were proven to be nothing more than priviledges that can be revoked at will.

In short, you and they really do not have many rights at all. Your owners give you priviledges and create the illusion of rights.

People on both sides of the argument fought and continue to fight to have these rights either restored or taken away, and this is a bad thing.

When it comes to gay marrige or enacting civil rights people always push for their side. Those opposed to gay marrige may not be bad people, it is just their beliefs. They have their beliefs and their beliefs should be respected even if you like I do not agree with them and here is why.

Since civil rights can be given or taken away at any time, regardless of how you feel about whatever issue is being discussed it is important to be unified in the respect for civil rights and extend them to the people that your personal beliefs may not agree with because one day the pendulum can easily swing the other way and it can be your civil rights being taken away.

As an atheist I’m not a big fan of religion but I will defend it until the day I die and not because I agree with it. Frankly I think it is dangerous but is the right of religion to exist and preach whatever it likes. It is the right of every person to practice faith as long as it does not impede another persons beliefs. I extend this protection to a group I do not agree with because by doing so I also protect my right to say and not believe whatever I like as long as I do not force my will upon anyone else.

It is self serving to defend the rights of the people you disagree with.

It is more important to have the freedom to have somebody and the freedom to disagree with somebody than it is to make them or have yourself shut up permanently.

“The forceful 2008 endorsement of Barack Obama by Sen. Edward M. Kennedy – and Kennedy’s sudden break with the Clintons – was caused in part by a racist comment made by Bill Clinton to Kennedy over the telephone, according to a new campaign book.

The book, Game Change, by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann, asserts on page 218 that after Obama won the Iowa caucuses, Clinton called Kennedy to press for an endorsement from the influential Massachusetts liberal. But the call backfired, according to the authors, and left Kennedy deeply offended.

The day after Iowa, he phoned Kennedy and pressed for an endorsement, making the case for his wife. But Bill then went on, belittling Obama in a manner that deeply offended Kennedy. Recounting the conversation later to a friend, Teddy fumed that Clinton had said, A few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee.”

If those words are true and the event actually took place, that is not only fairly offensive, but rather accurate.

Barack Obama wouldn’t have stood a hope in hell of being president a few years ago. Thankfully he is and we are all a little bit better off for it. Not because he is black, but because of the man he is. If Barack Obama was just a black man then indeed he would have been getting Clintons coffee.

Barack Obama is president because he is a very smart, learned accomplished thoughtful inquisitive well traveled man from a diverse background who worked his just-so-happens-to-be-black-ass off for everything he ever did.

He would still be Barack Obama and a great president if after hours when the doors to the bedroom are closed he and Michele enjoy pissing on each other. Or not. It doesn’t matter because it does not affect the man doing the job.

The same day he was elected gay people lost some more of their rights and now he wants to allow gay people to serve in the military, but not get married.

There are many flaws for not letting gay people serve in the military (Alexander the Great believed that gay men in his army made better warriors because you would be more inclined to protect a lover than just another conscripted fellow soldier) and fighting wars, shooting guns and being killed just like a straight soldier is only one of them.

A military career is not just going to war. It is an income. It is a free University education that comes with a paid job doing things besides shooting at people, like the Army Corps of Engineers for example. Building bridges and not blowing them up.

It comes with a pension, free medical care, career advancement if you choose to leave, it can offer many transferable skills for a life in the private sector. There are 150 different careers listed on the US Army website alone, and one of them is designing things like their very own very slick website.

That is, unless you are gay. Then you cannot have access to a job, pension, career, medical care, insurance, a university education or even a future as a tax paying citizen of a country that does not allow you the rights to any of these things in the military which your taxes pay for.

Basically, a career in the American armed forces is not just shooting at people. It can be a very good government job payed for by tax dollars and gay people have been told they are not allowed to have these government jobs.

How would the American government justify to their population that gay people were being discriminated against and not allowed to hold a government job as a lawyer, public clerk or even a street cleaner.

Or, how about telling the American public that gay people are not allowed to hold another government job payed for by tax dollars that is also a fairly nice career with a pension, benefits, health care and a reasonable salary….a politician?

The America president is considering maybe letting 10% of his voting tax paying citizens possibly have some of the same rights to a career that the other 90% of the citizens have.

Kittens, 10% is one hell of a lot.

Imagine living with 10% less income. Or shrinking your home by 10%. How about eating 10% less food. That isn’t a small margin. That’s a big fucking diet, budget cut and garage sale. When a corporation says it is going to slash its work force by 10% the workers go bat shit in terror because they know what 10% means.

What if you were part of that 10% that weren’t allowed the same rights as the rest of the population? What if you weren’t allowed the same rights for something other than being gay. How about if it was because you were another kind of minority? Maybe it would be because of your colour, religion, economic status or politcal views.

How would you cope with that?

Would you fight for gay people to have the same rights to be sure that you enjoyed them as well and they were not stripped from you if somebody decided they disagreed with your beliefs or something like race that you could not change even if you wanted to?

What if due to your religious beliefs you fought against gay people being allowed to get married and have a career in the military, then somebody tried to take away those same rights from you because they didn’t agree with your religious beliefs?

Would you fight to have both of your rights restored so that both of you would be equals and free to disagree or would you only fight for your own knowing that if it can happen to somebody else, it can and did happen to you as well?

How would you feel about brotherly love then?

For those people who for religious reasons still do not want gay people to have a government job or be allowed to marry but fought for the same rights you have and could have taken away just like they were in Stalinist Russia brotherly love and equality might almost be…oh I dunno….something Christ might do.

Cautionary Tales

•January 28, 2010 • 1 Comment

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Kittens we have talked a great deal lately about pedestrians being killed because they are too busy texting people while they cross the street. We’ve discussed the horrors of Haiti, how the media is making sure you are intentionally mislead and a whole host of other atrocities committed by mankind.

Today is no different.

The staff here at the mighty Keep Your Coins blog is pretty much what you would expect to find in an environment such as this one.

They are mostly uncoordinated cronic masturbating tourette inflicted diseased pick pocketing snotty mildly retarded stinky over educated under experienced spaztic zygotes.

These are some of their better qualities. They also have horrifying taste in music and I have yet to see any of them eat anything that didn’t come with instructions. Frankly I am impressed when one of them manages to light the correct end of a cigarette and doesn’t set his own ball sack on fire. On most days they wander around as confused as a lesbian at a carpet sale.

The one thing that they do manage to achieve on a semi regular basis however is dress themselves (one presumes they do it themselves) usually in their own clothes or at least ones that fit and every now and then they actually clean them. Possibly while showing while wearing their entire wardrobe.

Normally this would not seem like much of an accomplishment but it is for two reasons. Partially because they are baboons, and partially because apparently they are doing something many other people who manage to keep homes and jobs, raise families and feed themselves cannot yet figure out.

Tesco bans shopping for bananas in pyjamas … or bare feet

Supermarket in Cardiff, Wales, warns customers that nightwear is not permitted but shoes are a must

Customers at a Welsh branch of Tesco have been banned from shopping in their pyjamas or bare feet.

Notices have been put up in the St Mellons store in Cardiff saying: “Footwear must be worn at all times and no nightwear is permitted”.

A spokesman said Tesco did not have a strict dress code but it did not want people shopping in their nightwear in case it offended other customers.

He said he was not aware of any other Tesco stores having to put up similar signs.

“We’re not a nightclub with a strict dress code, and jeans and trainers are of course more than welcome.

“We do, however, request that customers do not shop in their PJs or nightgowns. This is to avoid causing offence or embarrassment to others.”

Tesco is not the first store to ban customers from shopping in their nightwear. In 2008 a Dublin cafe erected a “no pyjamas” sign, and in 2006 the Gulf emirate of Ras al-Khaimah introduced a new dress code to stop people wearing their sleep suits to work.

That’s right Kittens.

January 28th, 2010 A.D.

We still need rules in the western modern highly advanced world of texting, iDildos, sneakers with lights in them, microwavable toast, genital hair gel, fibre optic soup can phones and Superbowl half time shows featuring Pat Roberston to remind people not to go shopping or to their jobs wearing bunny pyjamas.

Not only do they need to be told not to go shopping for clothes in their pyjamas, they need to be told that by wearing pyjamas at work and while they are shopping for clothes that some people may actually be offended by this.

By now you Kittens have probably heard of The Darwin Awards. These are awards for when people achieve truly noteworthy praise for their acts of monumental stupidity. You have to really raise the bar in order to receive a Darwin award as well.

You’d have to kill yourself by trying to feed an angry mother alligator with your ass, or blow yourself to pieces while attempting to make a home made explosive toothbrush to get rid of a chunk of ribs stuck in your back teeth. You know…..a biggie.

There sadly however are no award for the daily acts of stupidity committed by the genetic boyabase every day for things that don’‘t involve foolishly killing yourself by walking in front of a speeding delivery van while you text on your phone while eating a super sized fast food mega burger-dog on a stick.

We really should have one because every day there are far too many examples of these people who at least deserve an honourable mention and a ribbon to add to their collection.

For example;

Last weekend the Missus and I took our two small boys to the movies. Like good parents we researched a few kid films to find something we would all enjoy and settled on The Fantastic Mr Fox.

For those of you who have not seen it…..it is about a fox, or rather a family of them. Foxes and other woodland creatures set in a comically animated set of circumstances. It was written by Roald Dahl who is a master of childrens literature and if you have to see a childrens movie soon….it ain’t half bad at all.

At least it isn’t a Disney 3D movie retelling Jonestown but featuring heavily gizmo equipped crime fighting Possums and instead of everyone drinking the Kool Aid and dying, the Possum colony all sing a song and are saved and celebrate with a gum drop festival.

During our research looking for a movie we did what many people do. We checked out the trailer on YouTube. Not exactly a big production, but just making sure it looked decent enough for all 4 of us to enjoy.

If you have ever watched a film trailer (or anything) on YouTube you will know (possibly because you do it yourself) that people comment on the vidoes.

This is where some of the people who need rules asking them not to wear trap door pyjamas and some kind of shoes when they go shopping surely must spend a lot of their free time. Commenting on YouTube.

In The Fantastic Mr Fox there are scenes where foxes behave as foxes and do what foxes do. They poach, kill and eat chickens. You know….how it happens in nature.

This horrified many viewers enough to take time away from their families to complain and protest in the purest way possible….in the YouTube comments section that this film was not very family friendly because it featured scenes with chickens being killed by their natural predator…..a fox.

No mangled or sawn in half unlike anything you can see on basic cable television during family viewing hours, I mean in a fucking childrens movie kind of way.

“What kind of film is this? Family movies are supposed to be pure, funny and fun for the whole family!”

“I can’t take my kids to see this movie! They use the word ‘cuss’ instead of cussing!”

Take a peak for yourself Kittens…..terrifying isn’t it.

I know what you are thinking, and no it isn’t “Eeeeekkk a fox!”

It’s a fucking kids film.

Not only is it a kids film, it is a fairly good one and just like every childrens story it is a cautionary tale.

Perhaps some of you have heard of Charlotte’s Web, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, Hansel and Gretal, Red Riding Hood, Humpty Dumpty, The Littlest Mermaid or Three Blind Mice to name a very small few.

For example the original version of Sleeping Beauty in the early 1600s, Basile, an Italian nobleman, published Pentamerone, a collection of folk and fairy tales. Among the stories was one called “Sun, Moon and Talia,” in which Talia, pricked by a poisonous thorn, falls asleep, and is raped by a married prince. When the prince eventually returns, he discovers that Talia has awoken from her sleep and he has a second family, specifically twins named Sun and Moon.

The prince’s wife does not take kindly to her husband’s adultery. In a rage she orders that that Sun and Moon be taken by the cook, killed, and served in a stew for her husband. Pronouncing the stew to be excellent by the prince, the wife exclaims “Eat up, you’re eating what’s your very own.” Mortified, the prince throws her into the fire. Later, he discovers that the kind-hearted cook had substituted a goat for the children. The prince then marries Talia.

That is a wee bit more interesting than the Disney version isn’t it Kittens?

They are cautionary tales to tell children about the world they live in and the world they live in, doesn’t always end like the world Disney and other parents teach their kids what kind of world it is where nothing ever happens and there is always a happy ending. Sometimes Charlotte gets eaten by a spider. Not only that, people OWE it to their children to explain this to them in a loving way that they understand and are then prepared for the real world, not the suburban version. The suburban version is also where crime, drug use and teen pregnancy is higher than in a city. So is obesity because you have to drive everywhere, malls where museums and art galleries are not, fast food where organic markets are not and Disney like dreams where nothing bad ever happens, except that it is happening everywhere.

People need cautionary tales to tell them about right from wrong. They allow us to learn a lesson without having to learn it ourselves, which comes in handy when a spider actually wants to eat you.

This blog is a daily cautionary tale. It takes daily stories from around the world about real people and issues and shares them with you the reader. It contains researched facts and a great deal of comedic opinion to make the point about the human condition, society and the world that we live in along with those that we are forced to share it with.

Think of it as good advice about a story given to you by a friendly angry Sumo. Every day when somebody says to you “I just can’t believe how stupid some people can be” at least you will always have a story and good example of exactly how stupid people can be that you will always find right here.

Red Card

•December 7, 2009 • 1 Comment

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Let me ask you Kittens, as we are all inhabitants of this our one and only planet, who is paying any attention to Copenhagen climate change summit? Is it on pay-per-view or anything like that? Will there be any mud wrestling or an opening ceremony that includes sacrificing Greenpeace protesters or anything fun like that?

How about a nice mascot or souvenir booth where we could buy official tour mechanise? No? Not even an key chain?

That certainly sucks. It almost makes you wonder why we bother with these things in the first place doesn’t it?

I suppose if it actually helps the environment and ties all of the nations together into a comprehensive resolution to curb climate change then it might be worth the effort to send some folks over there.

It is going to help us all out right?

Maybe not……

Copenhagen climate change summit to produce as much CO2 as an African country

It is being hyped as the summit that will save the planet.
But according to critics, next week’s climate change talks in Copenhagen are more likely to cost the earth.
Researchers have estimated that the bill for the 12-day jamboree will top £130million – and will generate as much greenhouse gas as an entire Africa country.

More than 15,000 delegates and 45,000 green activists are due to descend on the Danish capital over the next two weeks in a meeting described this week by British economist Lord Stern as ‘the most important since the Second World War’.
They will be joined by at least 5,000 journalists – including 35 from the BBC alone – and 100 world leaders, including Gordon Brown and Barack Obama.

The United Nations conference set targets for cutting global greenhouse gas emissions from farming, industry and transport in a bid to prevent dangerous global warming.
The aim is to keep the rise in world temperatures to within 2C by the end of the century.
Climate scientists believe a 40 per cent cut on 1990 levels of emissions is needed by 2020 – rising to an 80 per cent cut by 2050.
At the same time, Western nations will be asked to pay into a fund worth around £100billion a year to help developing countries protect themselves against rising sea levels, droughts and floods, and build their own wind turbines, clean power plants and arrays of solar panels.
There will also be talks on how to protect the world’s rain forests from destruction.

Supporters say the conference costs are a drop in the ocean compared to the benefits of preventing dangerous climate change.
But many climate change believers and sceptics say the talks could do more harm than good.
This week Nasa scientist Dr Jim Hansen – who has argued the case for climate change since the 1980s – says any deal that emerges from the talks will be so flawed, it would be better if the talks end in collapse.
President Obama and Danish Prime Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen have conceded that the conference will not produce a legally binding treaty.
The UN has confirmed that the flights, rail, bus, food and energy from the conference will generate at least 41,000 tons of carbon dioxide.
That’s more greenhouse gas than produced by Malawi, Afghanistan or Sierra Leone over the same period.
The Danish Government says it will offset any emissions created by the talks by planting trees or investing in green projects that will reduce carbon emissions elsewhere.
According to an analysis by the Taxpayer’s Alliance, a conservative cost of Copenhagen is £130million.
It includes £6.3million on flights, £20million on hotels and £3.3million on food.

The figure also includes the salaries for delegates and the contribution from the Danish government of £37 million. Most of the money will come from taxpayers.
Matthew Sinclair, research director at the Taxpayer’s Alliance, said: ‘The politicians and bureaucrats going to Copenhagen seem to think it’s unlikely that they’ll reach a deal and they know that even if they can get something signed, an increasingly sceptical public aren’t going to accept ever more expensive climate change policies.
‘This means that a huge amount of money is going to be spent on the summit, and thousands of tonnes of carbon dioxide emitted to get there, just to give the delegates a good photo opportunity.’
Although a legally binding treaty is off the agenda, the Government says a political deal could pave the way to a full treaty within months.
Climate change minister Ed Miliband said: ‘There is undoubtedly a positive momentum. The fact that in the last ten days or the so the U.S., China, India and Brazil have all put numbers on the table is a sign that the deadline and the raising of the stakes, is working.’
He said there was now overwhelming evidence for man-made global warming supported by thousands of mainstream scientists around the world.
‘There will be people who want to say there’s an easy way out. I think that is wrong,’ he added. ‘Sticking your head in the sand is not an answer.’
Yesterday Mr Miliband clashed with former chancellor Lord Lawson over global warming.

They appeared on the BBC’s Politics Show where Lord Lawson, chairman of the Global Warming Policy Foundation, repeated his long-held doubts.

Mr Miliband accused Lord Lawson of being ‘profoundly irresponsible’.

He said Lord Lawson was ‘spreading doubt’ despite a scientific consensus.

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Look on the bright side Kittens. At least the whores are willing to work for free.

Do you ever get the feeling that is because of colossal pooch screwing such as this that we have a problem in the first place? Let’s briefly recap shall we?

The climate change summit is going to do it’s job by making sure that it changes the climate…..for the worse. It is going have a larger carbon footprint that Afghanistan, which is a country that is permanently on fire, it is going to cost at least £130million which is enough money to feed the worlds poor several times over as well as build infrastructure such as clean drinking water, renewable energy sources for poor countries and provide needed medicine, the talks are so doomed that it would be better if everyone just stayed home and President Obama and Danish Prime Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen say that nothing legally binding is going to happen anyways.

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Kittens the Manhattan Project was the codename for a project conducted during World War II to develop the first atomic bomb. The project was led by the United States, and included participation from the United Kingdom and Canada. Formally designated as the Manhattan Engineer District (MED), it refers specifically to the period of the project from 1942–1946 under the control of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. That means that within just 4 years human kind went from 0 to BOOM.

It isn’t that large destructive explosions are a good thing, but anyone would have to agree that as a purely grand scientific accomplishment, The Manhattan Project was a big deal.

Here we are 60 years later, now masters of the atom and able to use it for positive clean energy sources and the most we can accomplish to solve climate change is to get some Danish hookers to turn some freebies.

This Kittens is why we have a problem in the first place.

That annoying half of what must be the worlds creepier couples, Ashton Kutcher has 4,081,854 followers on his Twitter page. If this trouser stain wanted to Tweet a climate change solution and get all of his followers to agree to a deal he could literally do it quicker and not spend a fucking dime in the process.

They could all vote by writing things on their bodies and within a few hours there would be a deal on the table. He wouldn’t even need to have any hookers sent over to his house. Not one single whore.

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In short Kittens, is Kelso wished he could accomplish more in one evening at his computer that 15 000 delegates, 12 days and £130million can do.

Kelso can get shit done.

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Kittens I am sadly beginning to think that the Kelsos of the world are truly the only people who can manage to pull of the big jobs and that maybe we should just give up and let them have at it. At least as a trial run.

Al Gore was a politician (and argueably was elected President of the United States) who figured he had all of the solutions to climate change so he made a Power Point movie about it, won an Oscar and solved all of the problems of the world by staging some concerts.

Here are the figures compiled by Price Waterhouse Cooper and how well that little get together worked out for the planet.

When lights went down and the final act left the stage the planet coughed up a sigh of relief and everything was solved.

Think about it Kittens. If Kelso can make 4,081,854 people obey him then surely it’s worth a try to get him to handle climate change. It isn’t like he is making movies doing much of anything these days.

We’ve tried everything else. There was the leaked emails about climate change and those numbers turned out to be bullshit thanks to the experts screwing around and pushing their agenda.

People listened to those banner waving publicity hounds at Greenpeace for a while and even they decided they had to finally change their tune because they were selling bullshit and now 15 000 delegates from all over the world haven’t even arrived in Copenhagen yet to begin sampling their free hooker buffet and already they are saying nothing is going to happen.

I say we give the job to Kelso for a while and see what happens.

He has a better track record than anyone else who has tried so far, and he sure has a lot of people who listen to what he says. Also, unlike those 15 000 moochers, he would probably do it all for free.

You have to admit it Kittens, it isn’t a bad idea and by now we should probably be giving those 15 000 delegates why can’t even afford their own airfare the red card.

Kelso….we need you!!!!!!!!

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