Ice Skating Bear Kills Trainer….Look Surprised!

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Woooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello Kittens. Today my pupils I shall be taking you on a journey deep into the caverns and behind the scenes of the Mighty Keep Your Coins, I Want Change blog. Now before we get our tour started and you reach for your camera phones so that you can snap pictures of the tasteful decor that was designed by David Lee Roth and Mr Reindeer, it’s not going to be that kind of tour I’m afraid. There is still a bit of tidying up to do from the last staff creative meeting.

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No Kittens this is going to be a small yet telling glimpse into the analytics that happen behind the page of Keep Your Coins so that you may take a small peak into what search terms people use on Google, Yahoo, Bing etc to find our humble yet gigantic and awe inspiring blogzilla. These are the real things people were looking up when they found Keep Your Coins for the last two days, and will hopefully come back for more helpings.

Today

Search Views

i don’t want your coins. i want change
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keep your coins i want change
old roman clothes
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james belushi
hot sexual intercoursewith in model
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fat pale kid
world of strange people pictures
typical frenchman
72 virgins
t-shirt fat
eating pet dog
nipple in eye
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funny drug pictures
chicken on the way trucks
huge burger
people who eat coins
rowan polanski
wild dog diet
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juvenile detention centre guard
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funny bnp posters
fat black woman
quit panda bears cubs
drunk man
zombie response team
how to survive a zombie attack sermon
jesus caricatures
zombie mermaids
adbusters jesus

Yesterday

Search Views

anna nicole smith porn
what to do during a blackout funny
anglican new zealand
pop up politicians
dead dog vomit drink
women bikes crash
i dont want coins i want change
play school fat kid toys
panda asking for donation
african wild dog in captivity
oxnard ca fire department
jogger oops
panda hooker
beer barfing
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your faith has made you well
my friend gay
fat black woman eating out of fridge
jürgen hopf
gay wedding dresses fat
ruth radek
holding a washed dish
california beach naturalist
fruit gum handgun wielding jesus
celebrities gone fat
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anna nicole smith dead photos
phone erotic
fat gay wedding
earth lights at night france
jeffteevee twitter
keep your coin i want change

Now I know what you are thinking Kittens because believe me I thought about it too.

“Who the fuck searches for Jim Belushi? Twice? In two whole days?”

Truly Kittens I have no idea. All I can tell you is some of our readers and fans truly think outside of the box.

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Naturally I found this interesting (actually not really, I am just lazy today) so I tried a few random searches of m own, to see what the fine folks at Google would serve up to me, and pray one of them wasn’t Jim Belushi. Here’s what I came up with and feel free to try this at home.

Celebrity pig fucker (Wow…who knew?)

Crotch itch (She’s a classy broad that Paris)

Happy Weasel (Tee Hee…happy happy weasel)

Monkey Head (Is it…no…wait….oh fuc…)

Drunken Retard (Admittedly expected)

Bear on ice skates kills trainer (?????????)

WHAT THE FUCK??????????

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Ice-skating bear from Russia kills circus director in Kyrgyzstan

An ice-skating bear from Russia has attacked and killed a circus director during rehearsals for a show in Kyrgyzstan.

The five-year-old bear, part of a visiting troupe from the prestigious Russian state circus, was wearing ice skates when he lashed out at his handlers and circus staff before a performance of their “Bears on Ice” show in the Kyrgyz capital, Bishkek.

He dragged 25-year-old circus director Dmitry Potapov across the ice rink by his neck and nearly severed his victim’s legs.

Mr Potapov died at the scene from his injuries.

Another circus employee who attempted to rescue Mr Potapov while he was being mauled was also severely injured during the attack.

“The victim has sustained serious injuries – deep scalp lacerations, bruising of the brain, lacerations on his body. His condition is considered critical,” said Dr Gulnara Tashibekova, who was among the medical team who attended the scene.

The bear was later shot dead by police in the Central Asian republic.

The incident was not the first time a visiting Russian bear was involved in a deadly attack in Kyrgyzstan. In 2002 a bear on loan from Russia to the Bishkek city zoo attacked and killed a small child who had reached out to pet it.

In that incident, local experts blamed the animal’s aggressive behaviour on its severe malnourishment.

But deadly attacks are surprisingly rare in the country’s popular circuses, which often use trained bears for comedic effect.

Training bears to wear and use ice skates and even play ice hockey is a standard stunt for the Russian circus.

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(Not the actual bear. This is a different Russian bear)

Kittens as loyal followers of the Mighty Keep Your Coins blog you are used to bizarre stories about people doing very strange things. Even on our vastly popular Mailbag articles where readers submit their questions we have earned that many of you out there are a wee bit unconventional.

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(Doug from Oshkosh W.I..)

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(Dieter from Berlin Germany)

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(Paleface Killah from Pleasantville Estates, Long Island)

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(“Tingles” Location withheld)

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(Brenda F. Biscuit, S.C.)

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(Giuseppe, Milan Italy)

We have all learned many interesting things on the wacky roller coaster ride that is Keep Your Coins. There was the story about The Comfort Wipe. We all crapped ourselves when we saw the map of every Mc Donalds in America. Let’s not forget how we all recoiled in horror when we learned about the dangers of tanning beds and who can forget my personal favorite, our look at the simple joy of love and laughing out loud.

There is something we probably didn’t need to find in the news however, and that is that if you are ever going to attach some ice skates to a fucking bear and make him do fucking tricks for a wild pack of fucking humans who will pay to see animal abuse in fucking action, then don’t be surprised when the bear has enough and kills the bastard that made the bear do fucking tricks.

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Seriously, what is it with the Russians and performing bears? We’re more or less used to them acting all cold wary again, and we’ve gotten used to their appetite for suicide authors years ago. If it weren’t for those authors many a liberal arts student with a frown to grind would never have gotten laid because they would just look like sullen tits, not sullen and thoughtful tits.

They certainly can’t blame the excessive winters or heavy drinking on their love of tormenting and abusing bears. Here in Canada we do both of those things a well and the closest we ever come to playing with bears for fun is to run away from them as fast as we can and hope that we win. Sure the winters get to us as well, we just express ourselves differently.

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(Enter now for the K.Y.C. Caption Contest for this picture!!)

Dmitry Potapov was the guy responsible for handling the big Russian bear on skates. The bear got pissed off and killed him and almost killed another guy. For his troubles the bear was then shot and killed. I say the bear is the hero and somebody erect a shine to him. It’s a pity the bear didn’t get a hold of a few of the paying spectators as well and tear them to shreds.

Keep Your Coins loves animals. They are great pets, delicious meals and comfortable warm jackets and even on occasion when somebody finds a cure for a deadly disease by trying it out on a few of them, we are happy about it. We’re carnivores and are hard wired for self preservation. We know this because we have survived this long and somehow managed not to screw things up nearly as much as we could.

There is a massive chasm however between self preservation and using animals for amusement, and especially when harming or even killing an animal for sport and fun. Bloodsports are not fun, except in the case of this bear attack when if you truly want to take a circus on the road and make it entertaining, I’d love to suggest feeding some bear tamers to some hungry bears but only if the bears get a trophy when they are done mauling the Russian pricks that think animals circuses хорошее российское развлечение.

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There really isn’t a lot that a person can comment about on this story. A tormented bear killed one of his tormentors and was shot dead for being…ummm…..rather bear like.

For most readers they will say “oooohh…now that’s a darned kooky story, thankfully the savage beast was put down” and they will get on with their day.

Ever 24 hrs after it happened those wankers at PETA hadn’t said anything. Not a peep. It’s that far off the radar perhaps because it happened geographically fairly far off of the radar. Either that or they are too busy convincing Pamela Anderson to get her norks out again for another one of their massively successful fund raising campaigns that do actually save any animals, certainly not any exploited Russian bears.

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(This is what makes PETA freak out, not dead circus bears)

We live in a world where we are constantly shitting ourselves over the environment which we have fucked up rather nicely, how we treat prisoners who are suspected of terrorism (frankly, I’m okay with a little torture. Very few people accidentally find themselves in a cave with 20 other angry people and a cache’ of IEDs) and what country is acting a bit too uppity and we might have to go smack them around a little bit.

There are internationally agreed upon rules of basic human civility that most of use agree upon, even of a few countries choose to ignore the rules, like Rwanda. At what point can we all just agree that torturing animals for meager human mammal amusement is a bit ridiculous and we should probably stop it. Michael Vick learned the not-quite-hard-enough way that killing and maiming animals is a bit of a p.r. boner.

Spain still think bullfighting is a una tradición española encantadora, and we think Spain is great. Rather than allowing the few people like PETA who do nothing more than make money and noise and never actually solve or do anything can we possibly just say that e should draft a few simple rules regarding countries like Russia who have STATE SPONSORED ANIMAL ABUSE as part of their highlight reel?

It’s sickening to think that anybody who says they recycle, choose paper over plastic or even wears the colour green isn’t appalled by this story. This animal didn’t die because it was part of another mammals survival. It kicked the shit out it’s tormentors. Environmentalists see to really care a great deal about their environment but don’t worry very much about other peoples environment.

Even fewer are actually concerned about animals environment unless it is a polar ice cap, and even then only because w use it too and how many left out of that rapidly diminishing group care about the environment of a circus animal, no matter what country he is from?

It’s not like the bears have their fingers on the big red button after all…

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~ by jeff on October 23, 2009.

2 Responses to “Ice Skating Bear Kills Trainer….Look Surprised!”

  1. […] You know what hasn’t happened in a while my Kittens? It has been a few months since an animal in captivity who has been placed in captivity so that a few…. […]

  2. […] You know what hasn’t happened in a while my Kittens? It has been a few months since an animal in captivity who has been placed in captivity so that a few…. […]

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