Laugh Out Loud

“Why’d the feminist cross the road?
To suck my cock.”

That Kittens, is a joke. It is a bad joke, but a joke. Here’s another one;

“How can you tell the Polish Jew at The Wailing Wall?
He’s the one with the harpoon.”

Offended yet? Let’s keep going shall we?

“Two priests are standing at a urinal. The first one looks down and sees a Nicoderm patch on the other one’s dick.
He says, “You’re supposed to put that patch on your shoulder, not on your penis.”
The second one says, “Well, it’s working. I’m down to two butts a day.”

More? Okay then!

“What’s a good indication that you have a good sperm count?
She has to chew before she swallows.”

If you haven’t guessed yet Kittens, today we are going to be talking about jokes. Not just telling a few, talking about them, and yes there will be some rather harsh language used so if your delicate eyes can’t take the read, I suggest you go find something else to do.

If you do choose to stick around for a read my Kittens, today we are going to talk about something that binds us all together…….laughter.

(Yes I know, I want to adopt him too. I shall name him ‘Whitey Slayer’)

You see Kittens, we all laugh. We need it, we crave it and it is uncontrollable. It is an involuntary reflex, just like love. You may not want it, or where it comes from but it is with us no matter what. From the youngest and most vulnerable to the oldest and most experienced, we all laugh and love involuntarily.

(Go ahead, make me smile)

Life my Kittens, is beautiful when we laugh, and that applies to everyone.

(Except for this guy, he looks like he doesn’t laugh or smile much, unless he is beating your skull in with his god stick)

The interesting thing is though Kittens, is that we have stopped doing a couple of things while we continue laughing. We have stopped telling jokes and started watching YouTube, so that we can watch other people make assholes of themselves, and yet we have also stopped laughing at ourselves.

We don’t tell stories or laugh at ourselves anymore. That part of our humanity is lost. Sure we still have punchlines, we just don’t like it very much when we’re the punchline.

(Even Nazis laugh, and who is a bigger target than them?)

We talk a great deal about the ties that bond in this blog my Kittens, and as far as I have dug into the human condition which is usually unconditional, religion, politics culture, colour, accents, wealth, being born on the wrong side of the street all separate us. Laughter never and love never does.

Kittens every day I try to find the worse in people. The absolutely most vile horrible treacherous stories I can find, and then inflict them on you. There is never ever any shortage either. There are always some people doing something horrible to somebody else. I have been asked if it depresses me. In all honesty, no it doesn’t.

Sure it is taken for granted that people do now and will continue to treat each other like bum wipe, we still have a few ties that bind us all together and I if there is any hope for this blog is that hopefully some light is shined upon them that illuminate the willing and also to render the rats to scurrying back into the darkness.

(Even WHITEY laughs)

Actually, that is not exactly true….

Kittens we don’t tell jokes anymore. We used to, and sometimes they were funny, sometimes they sucked goat balls, sometimes we’d already heard them and sometimes they offended us. We aren’t allowed to tell jokes anymore, much the same way we aren’t allowed to tell each other we love each other anymore without a negotiation or feeling of slight discomfort.

People used to go to work, bring in a coffee and muffin and talk for a while. They’d talk about their evening, what dickheads their souses are and tell a joke or two to put each other in a good mood so the work day was slightly more tolerable. Even the people who were offended by an off colour joke were a little more disarmed from their sensitivities because others were laughing and laughing is contagious.

“An 80-year-old couple is having trouble remembering things, so they go to see their doctor to make sure there’s nothing wrong.
After an exam, the doctor says, “You’re physically okay, but you guys might want to start writing notes to help you remember things.”
That night they’re watching TV when the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife says, “Where are you going?”
He says, “To the kitchen.”
She says, “Will you get me some vanilla ice cream?”
He says, “All right.”
She says, “Don’t you think you should write it down?”
He says, “I don’t have to write it down…vanilla ice cream.”
She says, “Could I have strawberries and whip cream?”
He says, “All right.”
She says, “Don’t you think you should write it down?”
He says, “I don’t have to write it down…vanilla ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.”
Twenty minutes later he walks in and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.
She says, “You forgot my fucking toast.”

Laughter, is uncontrollable. We have don’t have the ability to decide what we find funny, or makes us smile. It is beyond our meager comprehension of ourselves. Ever wonder why? I don’t. For me it is enough to know that laughter is one of the few things that keeps us all together as the human race. It isn’t war, hatred, anger, football teams, music, hair colour, the shape of our eyes or the clothes we choose. It is laughter.

Even Bill Cosby was funny on occasion: “A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”

If we are still smiling and laughing, then why have we stopped telling jokes? Possibly because it is easier to go on YouTube and watch something funny privately, but if we take a deeper look into it, it is because humanity stopped laughing along with each other and laughing at themselves. Suddenly, there was a shift from being able to make light of our punchlines, and we decided we should be so self important that we needed to stifle laughter altogether just in case somebody somewhere was the subject matter of the joke.

When we lose our ability to laugh at ourselves, we lose a portion of our own humanity, and ever worse, we take away everybody elses to laugh at themselves. If we are too afraid of our own shadows to tell a joke that may include somebody (and that may also mean ourselves) as the punchline, then where does that leave us as humans?

“Why do Jewish guys watch porno movies backwards?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.”

Don’t we all think it is fairly pathetic that the most we can muster today is to send each other links to a funny YouTube link to make each other laugh in secrecy rather than share the gag with everyone?

It is because we may offend somebody…somewhere….somehow. That my Kittens is not freedom of speech, on either side of the coin. If you have forgotten what freedom of speech means, here is a reminder;

“Freedom of speech, or the freedom of expression, is recognized in international and regional human rights law. The right is enshrined in Article 19 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, Article 10 of the European Convention on Human Rights, Article 13 of the American Convention on Human Rights and Article 9 of the African Charter on Human and Peoples’ Rights.

The freedom of speech can be found in early human rights documents, such as the British Magna Carta (1215) and The Declaration of the Rights of Man (1789), a key document of the French Revolution. Based on John Stuart Mill’s arguments, freedom of speech today is understood as a multi-faceted right that includes not only the right to express, or disseminate, information and ideas, but three further distinct aspects:

the right to seek information and ideas;
the right to receive information and ideas;
the right to impart information and ideas.
International, regional and national standards also recognize that freedom of speech, as the freedom of expression, includes any medium, be it orally, in written, in print, through the Internet or through art forms. This means that the protection of freedom of speech as a right includes not only the content, but also the means of expression.”

Kittens, we have the right to make each other laugh, and to laugh. We also have the RIGHT to not like what others laugh at, and that includes the right to walk away when you hear something you don’t like.

“A guy’s walking along the beach and sees a woman with no arms or legs.
He walks up to her…on his own, obviously she couldn’t wave him over…and she says, “I’ve never been kissed. Can you kiss me?”
He says to himself, “What the hell?” and kisses her.
She says, “I’ve never been fingered, Could you please finger me?”
He sneaks his finger around the lip of her bathing suit and sticks it in her very greasy un-used hole.
She says, “I’ve never been fucked.”
He picks her up, throws her in the water, and says, “You’re fucked now.”

Laughter is just like love. It is involuntary and we can no more control it that we can control their weather. All we can do is laugh when we find something we thing is funny, and try to be good to each other when we all don’t get the punchline the same way.

Kittens, if we have anything at all that will save us, it is that we all laugh, all love, and we should all accept that we do it in different ways, and for different reasons. Let’s not take it away from each other, or ourselves.

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~ by jeff on June 26, 2009.